Do you remember that game, “He loves me, he loves me not”? We gained such satisfaction when the universe provided just the right amount of flower petals to justify our feelings for another. We relied on guidance back then, even if we did not know it. Or maybe, we would choose to reject the natural ways by only pulling half a petal to get the final results we wanted. Either way, we know how we felt and the feelings of being led otherwise. There is a lot of information in there if we choose to see it.
Relationships – to be or not to be…
Every relationship comes with some challenges. Relationships are where we learn the most about ourselves, our boundaries, what we like and what we will not accept. Relationships will put our beliefs to the ultimate test – about ourselves and others. Sometimes we learn to grow within a relationship, and sometimes the growth comes from leaving it behind. I always say, “If something doesn’t feel good, don’t do it”. Granted, not every aspect of a relationship will feel good, but the foundation of it is where to place your focus. If you feel like you are trying to put a square peg into a round hole, no matter which way you angle it, it just won’t happen. If you find yourself revisiting the same conversation over and over again, it is time to look at the foundation of your relationship and evaluate with a clear and open mind how stable your foundation is. Are you trying to conform to someone else’s needs and expectations, or are you ready to own your needs and open to something more aligned with you? The more we learn to know ourselves, the more we will know where those feelings are coming from, and ultimately what to do with them.
When pain is involved
Why do we experience pain? I am not talking about pain from the death of a loved one, or from natural consequences of life. I am talking about self-inflicted pain from staying in situations much longer than we need to. Pain comes from a place of serious misalignment and/or blocked energy. If you are in a relationship that is causing pain, it is time to take a step back, see clearly whose course you are following, and get back on your own track. When you are aligned with where you are meant to be traveling, you will not experience pain.
There is an internal voice in our heads called guidance that begins as a whisper as new information about our path comes through. If we do not comply with that soft voice, we will begin to find ourselves in situations where we feel our misalignment more deeply. It will force us to stop and take notice of something that does not feel good and will continue to place us in situations that feel harder and harder until we succumb to making the changes necessary. When discomfort turns to pain, you know you have outstayed your welcome and it is time to hit the road. Pain can be avoided if we learn to listen to the soft whispers and change course earlier. We just need to trust in how we feel and honor Self in more complete ways to know when to say when.
Do we know how to listen to guidance?
We receive information in the form of gut feelings, from true relationships of those who can give us an unbiased objective opinion, and experiences that form our reality. Experiences that invoke discomfort are meant to teach us something which usually involves re-evaluating our inner desires and re-aligning with them. In simplest form, if something does not feel good, it means we are being led to evolve. Either we need to shift something in our external world, or we need to shift something within.
Change from the inside-out or outside-in?
Once you realize that change is needed, the next level of awareness is to decide where the greatest efforts should be placed. Usually, change begins as an inside job. Externally, there are a lot of moving parts that make up our reality including others feelings and agendas, and a reality that has been created from our past manifestations. Internally, we can make huge leaps and bounds by shifting our belief system into one that greater aligns with where we seek to land. Basically, if we are living in our backstory, we will continue to draw in that exact same vibrational experience. If we begin to release beliefs about how things once worked, we can then open to new and improved ways of being. We need to be able to look within and see clearly the programming we are operating from and make changes where necessary. That may mean we need to break away from a relationship that is causing us pain, or a job that doesn’t offer fulfillment, but we first need to move through any fear of admitting that something is not working and that we need to make a change.
Why do we fear change?
Many people stay stuck due to fear, especially subconscious ones. People may say they do not fear change, or that they have no fears. I call BS on that. If you are stuck and not moving away from something that does not serve you, there is a hidden fear that you are not able to see or admit to… yet. People do not like change. People like to know what to expect and how to behave. When we do not understand where we are meant to go next, we can feel confused. We like to think we are in control and confusion challenges that belief in many ways. So, we stay stuck in patterns where we can rely on a certain level of predictability. It may seem easier to stay in those patterns and know what to expect rather than carve a new path, but is it?
How to find comfort in change
True, change can make us feel like we do not have control over our situation, but do we anyway? And are we meant to? Attempting to grip onto something that is not stable will only cause more feelings of instability. We can not control others, their actions, outcomes, etc. What we can control is how we feel. If something does not feel good, we can find comfort in the knowledge that we are crafting something better for ourselves in the process of change and growth. Sometimes, we just need to take a breath and move in a different direction than we have gone before. Once we commit to wanting something more aligned with our direction, the universe will show support in amazing ways.
You may have heard the quote, “For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” by Cynthia Occelli. This is one of my favorite quotes as it demonstrates how completely opposite truth can be from our perception of it. It is time to shift our perspective on what growth looks like. It is a beautiful process once you release the fear of transformation. And as they say, there is nothing to fear but fear itself.