As I moved into a space of clearing the past, the very distant past, my heart became a supernova of emotion. I saw the origin of the pain, the anger. A past life surfaced, and it was loud.
This release in the physical worm-holed me back to a cathartic memory. One that was hidden deep within the realms of my guarded heart. As it gushed forth, there was no stopping it. It came from a deep well that seemed bottomless. It flowed and flowed. Along with this immense release, came memories of the life-sustaining fire. One that gave us the ability to eat our kill, and warm us in our sleep.
I felt the pain move through as if it had just occurred. My lover was taken from me. Killed so I would not leave my tribe. I was a valued woman there. A Medicine woman. A Shaman. A healer. The Healer. But I was compelled towards my beloved. He was a danger to my people as he was not one of them. My choice was taken from me…
The anger that I felt in this moment… the pain… was all too familiar and has resided within me for lifetimes. I recognized it in the all too familiar way. I know now its origin. I know now why I have responded to things the way I have throughout my life without ever understanding why until this very moment. Along with this physical release, came great clarity and insight. All is becoming clear now that the veil has been lifted, and times past exposed.
As I was processing through this great task of organizing my thoughts surrounding this new level of understanding, I received a text from my daughter, as she was with her father that night. She is 11. She said, “Mommy, can you please send some healing energy to my heart? It hurts really bad…”. I called her immediately. I checked in energetically and found that she was feeling into and through my pain. She too was part of that lifetime and was feeling my release, my healing from miles away. My sweet, gifted child. As I worked through my wounds, I was also clearing her path. She was a responsible party for the death of my lover in that past life, and I found her remorse residing in her sweet little body now. As I located the source of her wounds, we worked through them, healing her part in the intense process of this release that rippled outward.
As we both healed, we were flooded with peace, grace, and love. A warm, yellow light cascaded over and through us, bringing us back to our original form, before injury, before betrayal. A true sense of healing occurred. The original wound was mended, and karma was released. It lifted so effortlessly, so easily, so beautifully. As we cleared, I could feel her energy lifting, elevating, ascending. I have freed my daughter from the chains that bound her to her remorse, her regret, her betrayal of another, of me. She no longer needs the experience of that polarity. She is free as well… What a beautiful gift to be able to give my child.
I am now left with a body that feels exhausted, but vital. Spent from a job well done, but light and effervescent at the same time. I have released lifetimes of anger, betrayal, fear of loss, and grief. I am now aware of this original wound and can take steps to heal it. As we work from the initial source of our pain, it is much easier to heal completely.
That night, that same man laid beside me. We spent months traveling dimensions together. He claimed to have searched lifetimes for me, and that I provided him with the warmth of “coming home”. We shared in experiences that were unique and transformative only to us. I had the ability to move through a pattern that we created together lifetimes ago and move into a space of free movement, flow, and healing in my current experience if I made the choice to do so.
That night, I fulfilled our karma, our destiny, our contract. I moved into my dharma. Did I love this man? Yes, for a time. Are we meant to walk together now? No. We are not. His role consisted of the same terms. Taking me away from my people, from myself, from my unique path. But now, the choice was mine to make. I see where my path leads and have the strength to follow my own way. I choose to break free from the bondage that he imposed on me. I have once again found my warrior and she is not backing down. I am on a mission to love and be loved unconditionally, without possession. As my tribe once saved me from that fate, I now save myself.
And life moves forward. And it is beautiful…
Many times, the source of our hurt is covered by other ( more minor ) instances that compound the original wound. When this happens, we are triggered by these things that resemble the original wound and create much more drama around them than they deserve. This is not our fault, as we are simply acting in defense mode to protect ourselves and our hearts from more pain and heartache. If we have many replications or repeated patterns of this pain, that is indicative that we are ready to heal and the universe is attempting to bring us back into a state of recognizing that healing needs to occur.
When we find ourselves revisiting patterns, we can simply go within, meditate, and ask. Ask what we need to learn, to see, in order to relinquish this pattern that does not serve us. At times, we cannot see clearly as we are too close to our own stuff. If you are finding you cannot seem to move through patterns and feel stuck in your current experience, please reach out for some energy healing. When we can move stagnant energy through, it sets the stage for healing on many levels, releases past baggage, and frees us to move into a different state of being. What a beautiful process of transformation and evolution.
Wishing each of you deep release of past hurts, clearing, and delicious healing on all levels!